Woman wonders about the effects of getting repeatedly ghosted and the reasons why it happens: ‘There were NEVER any signs of incompatibility. We could have fun, talk deep stuff, but the person would still disappear’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 22, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

The presence of ghosts

I'm not sure ghosting is an effective tactic, and it's not necessary to go to the extreme opposite and tell the person you dated only once what exact attributes they had that turned you off. To me, the best option is to say something along the lines of: 'I didn't feel the connection, but I had a great time; nice to meet you'. It's kind of rude to avoid communication like that and assume people will interpret your silence correctly, silence is a profoundly ambivalent signifier and people can interpret it as a 'delay in an ongoing communication' which would result in them waiting for you to reach out, or stepping in and contacting you again, or the ghosting could hurt their sensibilities and make them think they did something wrong. Of course, it's not one's responsibility what other people interpret from our silence, but it's always better to overextend ourselves a little, only in the name of 'aftercare'; it doesn't have to be too extensive; it's just a short, quick text that could be written by an AI. C'mon, it can't be easier.

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  • a person with a white sheet over them and sunglasses
    via Febe Vanermen

    The ghosts in this woman's life 

    Image is representative

  • Is anyone else here traumatized by being ghosted

    Recently I mostly see people on this sub who defend ghosting, saying it is "better than writing a long message about the
    via magdakitsuni21
  • things that bothered you in the other person". And yes I agree that this action can be toxic asf. But ghosting isn't the best course of
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  • action either imo. Basically all the friendships I lost in my life, I lost due to being ghosted (only maybe 2 of them were due to actual
    via magdakitsuni21
  • conflicts). There was never any clue that the people would disappear, we would have fun one day and then a week or two later, the person stops
    via magdakitsuni21
  • replying to all my messages. This happens so often that currently, any sign of possibly being ghosted affects me a lot, I react very strongly and
    via magdakitsuni21
  • sometimes even get panic attacks. And then reading all the messages online about how "ghosting happens because you just didn't click/were
    via magdakitsuni21
  • incompatible/the person decided to take distance" sometimes only make it worse because, like, there were NEVER any signs of incompatibility. We could.
    via magdakitsuni21
  • man and woman sitting at a table in a restaurant
    via Good Faces

    The date where everything seemed to be going fine

    Subjects are models

  • have fun, talk deep stuff, but the person would still disappear. Not to mention the people who assume
    via magdakitsuni21
  • everything must be the ghostee's fault and come with assumptions like "you must have messaged too much"
    via magdakitsuni21
  • woman using laptop
    via Caroline Feelgood

    The woman researching ghosting as a topic

    Image shown for illustrative purposes; does not depict actual subjects

  • zeptozetta2212 I have long maintained that if you are going to end a friendship with someone, you owe them an explanation and preferably a conversation about it unless you literally can't give them one without risking your safety.
    via magdakitsuni21
  • crashboxer1678 My ex-friend commented on one of my posts somewhere else (didn't know she even knew what Reddit was) and basically said she ghosted because I was a bridezilla last year
    via magdakitsuni21
  • and she couldn't take it anymore. It's nice knowing, but it doesn't make it easier and I can't really apologize effectively because I'm blocked. So the grass isn't always greener.
    via magdakitsuni21

  • Of course I think this particular poster is projecting their insecurities into the act of ghosting and filling in the blanks, but it’s still not a pretty attitude to me. One can always go zen mode and understand that somebody else’s actions speak about them and not about us, but what happened to simple civility? lol. And I truly think that, even if you message somebody too much, it’s still their responsibility to communicate they want the messaging to stop; this doesn’t sound like a case where she was told that a million times and kept going. So, ghosters of the world, give us the gift of your absence and do not leave a ghost occupying your space!

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relationship advice relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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